In our Mindshifters Support Group last night, the discussion about special relationships continued. It became apparent that several people had interpreted the conversation about special relationships to mean that we should not have any passion, affection, or preference in our relationships. Nothing could be further from the truth! We will of course have preferences for some people, places, and things over other people, places, and things. This is natural and healthy.
The difficulty enters when I think I have to have a special relationship in order to have value, or be worthy, or be happy. The difficulty arises when I feel tension, sadness, regret, or anger and I think it is because I don’t have a special relationship, or that a special relationship has ended. In this case, I have misinterpreted the alarm system within me, (which is designed to let me know I am in error), and assumed that my pain means that someone or something else should change, or that the world is wrong!
“Special Relationships” only have the meaning we attribute to them. The words we use to describe those relationships only have the meanings we attribute to them. When I construct a meaning about a relationship that says, “I only have value because of this relationship.”, or “I don’t have value unless I have a certain relationship.”, then I create fear, pain, or tension within myself and hide the source of the fear, pain, or tension from myself.
The quote from Albert Einstein –
“A human being is a part of the whole called by us universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feeling as something separated from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.”
He does not say that because my personal desires and affection for people closest to me creates a prison for me, that I should cease all desires and affection for people! He says that I can only free myself from that prison by having more affection and compassion and extend it to all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.
A Course In Miracles cautions me not to withhold the essence of my nature, Love, from anyone or anything. If I do, I am hiding a wound, or pain within me and blocking the healing power of Love from entering there.
Love, creation, Life is not a zero sum game. When I give affection, I have not lost anything. When I extend the awareness of the Love that I am made of, I only get to experience it more fully and more directly! These teachings encourage us to continually work to become more directly aware of our True nature as the energy of Love, and Creation, and then to extend that energy and awareness to everyone and everything, in every interaction.
We Come From Love. We Are Made Of Love. We Are Love! Everything else is False.