I have run into a pattern recently in working with people. These people do not like themselves, or something about the way they are as people, and they are angry or resentful about it and want to change. This has led to numerous discussions about what is needed in order for people to achieve the change they want make in themselves. Many people are operating under the false impression that they need to be unhappy with the way they are, and make changes in the way they are, in order to be able to love and accept themselves. The truth is that we need to love and accept ourselves in order to be able to change!
If I am angry and resentful of the way I am, I am rejecting myself, and “beating up on” myself. If I am rejecting, and “beating up on” myself, I am not seeing myself clearly, or even looking at myself at all. If I am not seeing myself or looking at myself, how can I work with myself in order to change.
There is a sign hanging in my office which acknowledges this age old wisdom. It reads, “To be content and growing, embrace yourself as you are, celebrate yourself as you long to be.” – Mary Anne Radmacher The first step here is a necessity. “Embrace yourself as you are” means to accept yourself. Once I have accepted myself I have the ability to examine myself closely and truly see myself accurately. Once I see myself accurately I will be able to work with the different aspects of myself that I like and those I don’t like.
The fundamental truth here is that I cannot work with something I refuse to accept and examine. I cannot change something that I cannot see clearly.
If I am willing to face the pain and sadness that are contained in my misperceptions and negative beliefs about myself, I will then be able to see them clearly as the mistakes and falsehoods that they are. Once I see them clearly my negative assessments of myself, and the negative emotions they generate will fall away and no longer have power over my me.
The truth is –
We come from Love, we are made of Love, we are Love. Everything else is false.